In a move certain to make military history, General (3 ½ star) Simon Ramirez III of the Filipine Armed Forces today announced that the country’s military will expand the tactical use of karaoke. The general outlined the general situation leading to the investment into this rather unusual weapon.
“We don’t have the billions of dollars like Russia, China and, foremost, the US to build gigantic militaries with bad ass rockets and nuclear arse-nals capable of destroying most of the biosphere. In fact, these nations don’t have the money either, but they just steal it from their people. Our people here are too poor to steal that kind of money from.”
But, so general Ramirez, the FAF have a sleeve up the ace: tactical karaoke.
“In a nation excelling at loud public singing, we plan to take advantage of this capability”
“If the invaders can’t sleep at night due to the singing all around them, they can’t fight the next day. It’s as simple as that.”
The next stage of the Tactical Karaoke Expansion Plan (TKEP) will be to install more karaoke bases near tactically important locations like industrial installations, government buildings, barracks, and karaoke parlors.
When Pacificklaus Media contacted Jon Bon Jovi, whose music will make up a significant part of the defensive initiative, the artist was sympathetic. “The Philippines have in the past suffered from several murderous foreign invasions” Bon Jovi said on the phone from his New Jersey home “I wish this island nation all the success in the future in dealing with foreign military aggression, be it with machine guns or late-night performances of ‘Livin’ on a prayer’ “.