May 23rd – The annual whale migration is in full swing, and Australian scientists have discovered a new whale species on the shores of Sydney. Dr. Peter Wobblestick from the Moroubra Institute of Marine Mammal Research (MIMMR) announced the discovery during a press conference in the function room of the “Crown and Hammer” pub in Maroubra. “We are very excited to report the discovery of a new species of cetacean in Australia” Dr. Wobblestick said. “The scientific name of the new whale species is Bondicetacus britanicus, commonly called the Red Pommie whale. It’s a rather small cetacean – with a body mass of less than a ton, but not much less.” The marine mammal expert further elaborated on the anatomy and physiology of the Red Pommie whale: Its subcutaneous body fat content is high, like in all whale species. But interestingly, its blood alcohol content is just as high – a very unusual feature distinguishing it from other marine mammals. This possibly evolved as a protective measure against poaching by the Japanese who are known to have a low alcohol tolerance. The new whale’s skin is hairless (a typical feature of whales) and bright red (hence the name).
The discovery of Bondicetacus britanicus came about when a team of dedicated marine biologists found a parking spot, for the first time in years, near Bondi beach and surveyed the shoreline for unusual marine organisms. “A number of Bondicetacus britanicus had beached themselves. It was probably too late for them. We didn’t hesitate to transport – with the aid of a forklift – a male and a female specimen to the Australia museum.”. Next Dr. Wobblestick plans to study the behaviour of the red pommie whale. “Preliminary observations have shown the Red Pommie whale to have surprisingly poor swimming skills, at least on the surface. To this day, the ocean is still full of surprises.