All MMA fighters except the Diaz brothers test positive for PEDs

In an unprecedented development, every single mixed martial artist licensed in North America and Europe has tested positive for performance enhancing drugs, with the exception of brothers Nick and Nate Diaz.

In recent months, the improved testing regiment in MMA including out-of competition drug testing led to a number of high-profile PED busts, such as those of former heavyweight and light-heavyweight champions Brock Lesnar and Jon “Bones” Jones. The increasingly intense competition even at the regional MMA level supposedly also tempted more athletes to use PEDs such as steroids, human growth hormones or post-steroid cycle estrogen-inhibitors.

A new set of PED-test results released yesterday shows that every single MMA fighter in the US, Canada, Mexico and Western Europe tested positive for at least one kind of PED. Stockton, California MMA legends Nick and Nate Diaz being the only exceptions to this tsunami-like wave of positive PED results. The suspensions expected to be dished out for these infractions will end only in late 2018, which will trow the whole sport off MMA in turmoil.

With no one left to fight other than the Diaz brothers, future MMA events are about to be canceled, or severely changed in their line-ups. The brothers who are close, declined to throw fists at each other. Instead UFC 209 is scheduled to feature as the headliner, and only encounter, a bong-smoking competition between Nick and Nate in the octagon. “Someone is gonna get knocked on his ass, bro!” Nick said in a first reaction to the changed event schedule.