Whale Shark Mating Behavior Irreparably Damaged by Miss World Visit

A recent visit of the Miss World 2016 contestants to the whale sharks of Oslob, Cebu, has caused a significant stir on the internet. Nevertheless, the young ladies came to Oslob and swam with the plankton-feeding giant sharks, the world’s largest fishes. It is not every day that a group of sharks sees the world’s most beautiful women, their skinny bodies only clad in swimwear. The male whale sharks obviously liked what they saw, to the detriment of the sharks’ females. The males now demand that the female sharks lose at least 2000 kilograms and wear make-up. No further attempts at mating will be made by the males until these demands are met. The visit of the world’s most celebrated beauties has hence tragically altered the mating behavior of these fascinating fishes, and a population collapse is immanent.

No real scientists agree that this is what’s actually happening, but the concerned netizens who came up with this scenario make up for their lack of knowledge in shark-biology by increased outrage and media presence. Sally M., a backpacker from London stated that she is “so incredibly saddened” by the current lack of male shark hornyness. “They should never have been shown these petite girls, of course they are not interested in doing it with some humongous creature anymore now.” “My boyfriend also left me when I started to get fat two years ago. Same thing.” she added.

Pete G., a traveler from Brisbane in Australia who plans to go to college to study marine biology or marketing (not sure yet) will write a blog post about the dramatic situation and will also put up an online petition which he will share on Facebook. “Hell, I feel righteous doing all of those things. No more skinny girls for them whales, we need to do the right thing.”