First Dive Computer to Integrate Sexual Activity into Deco Models
May 18th, 2015 – Super Action Labs in Puerto Galera, Mindoro Oriental, Philippines have today announced the release of their ground-breaking new dive computer, the Super Action Lab “Awesome 1”.
The Awesome 1 is the first dive computer which integrates sexual activity into deco models. Besides the customary calculation of the no-fly time after dives (provided by virtually all current dive computer models) the Awesome 1 will also calculate the no-fuck time.
When talking to Pacificklaus media this Monday, Super Action Lab founder and chief developer Dr. Igor Brevzisky explained the workings of the new and improved algorithm in the Awesome 1. Sitting in a Puerto Galera cafe with a view of the hills of Batangas on the horizon, Igor said that it has long been known that vigorous exercise after diving can be harmful. The increased blood flow can transport bigger nitrogen bubbles (dissolved in the body during the dive) to places where they can do more damage, and lead to decompression accidents. A wait of several hours is necessary before any type of intensive physical exertion.
With his charming thick Russian accent, Igor said that while “everyone can wait before lift weight or ride bicycle” in contrast it’s “hard for guy to wait for pussy”. Vigorous sex can be as physically demanding as a kickboxing match and more so than standing next to the leg press in the gym, and deco accidents due to bedroom-athletics are not unheard of. “Especially in Philippines, with superlative diving and many many sexy ladies, big problem” said Igor. This is where the Awesome 1 comes in: it calculates how long a prudent diver should abstain from sex after a dive, the no-fuck time:
But this is not all. While two hours after a dive sex in a position which entails a moderate level of effort might be ok, other positions could still lead to a decompression accident. “Cowgirl position good, woman does work” in Igor’s words. The information which kind of sex is already advisable post-dive is shown on the display of the Awesome 1 in the form of color-coded pictograms:
The Awesome 1 also has a female mode, which can easily be set in the computer’s menu, accessible with two large contact buttons on the device’s right side. In this mode the no-fuck time remains the same, but the allowed positions are reversed, prohibiting positions which are more work for the penetratee for longer durations after the dives.
This will come in handy for many female divers in the Caribbean, where the local boys are known to be such great conversationalists with impeccable manners that many ladies jump into bed with them right after their dives. Generally, Dr. Brevzisky hopes, the Awesome 1 will further improve diving safety for the fun-loving modern traveler. “We are excited about computer like diver coming ashore seeing little brown girlfriend” the innovator told Pacificklaus media.
Besides the calculation of the no-fuck time the Awesome 1 can also accommodate nitrox up to 50%, and has a USB connection to directly post dives on Facebook via an app provided by Super Action Labs. The computer will be available through international distributors starting July at a retail price of 530$.
